Hi, it’s me again. I hope you’re well.
Today, I picked up the book Evolution of Goddess: A Modern Girl’s Guide to Activating Your Feminine Superpowers by Emma Mildon. There’s exercises throughout the book, and I quite honestly need a place to record my answers. I’m thinking they may be helpful for others, too. And, hey, this blog is really about my journey towards enlightenment, right? (Right.) This is part of my journey. Please join me.
Hello everyone, long time to talk!! It’s been a crazy year so far, 2019, but I hope to be back semi-regularly soon.
Yesterday, in honor of Friday the 13th/Full Moon/my Year and a Day since connecting with a local pagan group, I did a more involved tarot reading with my Everyday Witch’s Tarot deck. See below for Spread, reading, and interpretation. Please, please, please feel free to leave a comment with thoughts – and if you also read tarot feel free to add!
This is a spread I found on Instagram and modified slightly to suit my purpose. Originally, it was more full-moon focused, but I wanted something a bit more.
I chose to read with “Everyday Witch’s Tarot” and I have yet to be disappointed by this deck. I love the imagery, colors, and the deck doesn’t really pull any punches. At the same time, the readings I have gotten haven’t been needlessly cruel or meanly worded or anything. I won’t say I haven’t been bonked over the head by the deck though!! Continue for my interpretation and analysis!
Hello!
I’m writing this on a Sunday, so happy Sunday to same-day readers. Otherwise, happy whatever-day-of-the-week-it-is!
I woke up with two thoughts in my head today. The first, while not directly related to the overall theme I’d like to stick with for this blog, is a very important reminder: fear often pretends to be anger.
The second was a longing for community so strong that I considered a trip to the nearest random church I could find, even though they are not my community. This longing has brought me to tears twice this morning, and I’ve only been awake for two hours at the time of writing. So, I’m going to listen to what my heart is telling me – this is important.
How many times has community literally saved my life?
This post will reference multiple mental and personality disorders, talk about religion, suicide, alcoholism, drug abuse, abuse, bullying, eating disorders, and other topics that may be triggering to some people. While I tried my best to leave out details, I do not skirt around the issues as I mention them. Continue reading “Community”
Hello and Happy Spring!
This is my favorite season. I feel like I am coming alive again. The world is coming alive again. There are so many wonderful things that happen once Winter finally passes us by. I can breathe. I start to sing. I dance. I call out to the birds.
I honestly do a lot of things that I try not to do at other times during the year. Not all of them are good. I have to fight a lot more potentially-dangerous impulses this time of the year. It’s only 25 degrees Fahrenheit out right now, Britnie, and it’s windy, why do you need to wash your car by hand and go on a three mile walk after you take your third shower of the day and it’s only one in the afternoon? Go distract yourself until you don’t feel this urge anymore. And for Pete’s sake, don’t act on it! (Do I even know a Pete?)
Also, apparently spending money is something that I’m doing right now. I’m paying off medical bills, I’m putting money into my candle business, I treated myself to a haircut… but, oh yeah, I’m not working again and I’m not getting a paycheck. I shouldn’t spend $50 on a sudden grocery trip and treat myself to $6.00 sushi because I’ve completed a difficult task. (Apparently risk-taking and impulsivity are traits often found in people who have been diagnosed with BPD. Normally I have them under firm control. In spring? Apparently not.)
Anyway. I digress. I’m subject-jumping.
I titled this blog post with an e.e cummings poem. One of my absolute favorite poems, and my favorite poet. No, really. I read my husband an e.e cummings poem during our wedding vows. But, this particular poem [in Just-] is so great and it definitely makes me think of spring. Myself in spring. Also, kind of nonsensical which is fantastic and suits me just fine, especially right now. See below. Continue reading “[and it’s spring]”
Hi, friends!
Today I want to scream into the void about how important it is to know your own worth. It’s something that I’ve struggled with for most of my life. For a very long time, I could not reach past feelings of worthlessness. I thought that I was worthless. And nothing that anybody else could do or say would convince me otherwise. I had abundant proof that I had value, had worth, and I was achieving my goals (some small and seemingly insignificant, others large and groundbreaking) left and right. Yet, I still felt worthless. To this day, when my anxiety and depression really kick the floor from beneath my feet, I struggle with feelings of self-doubt and worthlessness.
I’ve had a breakthrough. I want to share this with you.
Continue reading “Changing My Thoughts and Knowing My Worth”
Hello, everyone! Long time no chat – and happy March!
Hopefully it gets to be spring soon. Here in Syracuse, the seasons are a little bit wonky, so it may become the 5th winter in April. Or it could be summer by mid-March. Who knows? All I know is that my mind is starting to become more and more functional as the days pass and we get closer to summer.
The joys of executive dysfunction, let me tell you. Some days it’s a struggle to even get out of bed. (Related note – if you got out of bed today, I’m proud of you. If you were unable to get out of bed today, and made an effort to be accepting and loving towards yourself, I’m proud of you. If you struggle to get out of bed today, and also struggle with being accepting and loving towards yourself – I am STILL proud of you. Yeah. I really, really am.) During the winter, my brain tends to function a lot more slowly than I am used to, and over the years I have needed to come to terms that Winter!Britnie is not exactly capable of the same things as fairweather!Britnie is. I’m still struggling some days. It’s a process. Wherever you are in the process of accepting yourself and loving yourself, know that it is a process and you have to fight towards it every day, and it is absolutely okay if you struggle. Take the good days with the bad, friends.
So, it’s March. Yay. Are we ready for a quick review of my winter? Ready, go!
Hello everyone, and happy solstice!
A lot has happened, and will continue to happen in my life for this busy winter season. There has been a lot of transition – many births and deaths in my life, literal and figurative this month. There are still more to come. ’tis the season.
I recorded this video in mid-October. I have not been able to go back and write anything that seems like it would be worthwhile to pair with it at the moment. So, let us have a vlog post on this topic, as it stands, and I will probably revisit it at another time. I often find myself coming to this topic organically. I have no doubts that I will visit this topic again. For now, I have held it in reserve waiting for the “right moment.”
There is no such thing as “the right moment.” I should have shared this two weeks ago; how many people could have benefited from this in that time? File this one under: thinking too much; also file it under “letting perfect be the enemy of Good.”
If you like what I write, any of the ideas that I share, or just want to give back: please, leave a comment! It helps me to know that there is engagement or interest, and it also helps me figure out which topics are worthwhile to dig a bit deeper into. Any suggestions of ideas you’d like me to ponder, please let me know as well because I’m always happy to do a little more thinking on the big, important topics of life.
This November, I dive head first into NaNoWriMo and tackle writing a novel in 30 days. If you’re a ‘wrimo, add me as a writing buddy! This is a time where perseverance is key. I wish you luck, and happy noveling, and I charge onward towards the elusive goal of 50,000 words.
Remember, everyone: There’s 2 months left of this year, so make the most of it! You do not need to wait for January to begin working on a resolution, to change a habit, or to start something new and exciting. Every moment is a chance to begin. Seize it.
Happy Wednesday!
I’m in the middle of two long-ish posts, but I wanted to check in with everyone. What a week! For those of us who work a Monday-Friday job, we’re half way to the weekend! For those of us with a non-traditional schedule, congratulations on making it through Wednesday! One more day behind us and closer to the goal.
This week has been beyond hectic for my family, so I’m taking a moment to share the things that I am grateful for this week:
It hasn’t snowed yet.
I succeeded in arriving early to work every day this week.
I currently spend most of my day working in Photoshop and listening to my own music.
Taco Tuesday for less than $10 at my workplace.
Somebody had a birthday today, and everybody brought snacks.
4pm ziti at work, encouraged by my boss.
I’m just thankful for my boss in general. Shout out to Rich for being a decent human.
Mandatory ethics training.
Hot tea. Hot cocoa. Instant chai-tea-with-milk-and-sugar packets. Warm milk.
Wool socks. Gloves.
The hunter-green jacket my husband bought me for Christmas in 2017.
Previous long-term job for training me how to maintain composure on the phone.
My car’s heated seats and 6-disk CD player.
If I gave it more time, I’m sure that I could come up with more things that I’m thankful for. It would be a lot of really inane things – absolutely normal and random things that exist in my daily life that make me very happy.
Enjoy the rest of your Wednesday. If you want to, leave a comment and let me know what you’re grateful for today.
The second Wednesday of every month, I go to meet with a group of people to dive into some deep, spiritual discussions that I don’t often get to explore in my daily life. An eclectic group of Christians, various Pagan paths, and those who are undefined but exploring their own spirituality, questions are encouraged and the discussions can get very deep.
Samhain is coming up, and in the Celtic traditions this is the blood harvest for culling the herd and readying the home for Winter, but it is also a time where we can interact more easily with those across the Veil. Ancestors. There was a lot of focus during this meeting on ancestors. I gathered my courage and I asked a question:
“What if you don’t know anything about your family or ancestry?” Continue reading “They Know Who You Are: on ancestors”
Lessons from the Lotus 