Hello everyone, and happy solstice!
A lot has happened, and will continue to happen in my life for this busy winter season. There has been a lot of transition – many births and deaths in my life, literal and figurative this month. There are still more to come. ’tis the season.
Winter solstice in the Northern Hemisphere was this weekend – December 21st is typically when it’s celebrated, and indeed the full moon was at it’s peak December 21/22 – and so I celebrated Yule with good food and companionship. As the celebration was about an hour away, I did not stay there all night… but I was not the only one who had to leave early. In fact, it was approaching midnight when we finally left.
I set up a lunch date for the coming week with a woman that I want to get to know better. I met many new people, and developed budding relationships with them throughout the night. And, before I had even crossed the boundary line into the home I heard cries of “Baby Pagan!!!!” from multiple voices inside, calling out to me in delight and welcome. Somehow, a nickname had sprung up from an off-hand comment I had made, and this is how the community has come to know me. It’s one of the few nicknames I will actually allow, and sometimes encourage.
In the last month, I have transitioned into another job – this will be the 4th job I’ve held in 2018 and the 3rd new job started in 2018 – so my life is a little bit chaotic. Christmas is small this year, with gifts being purchased only for my youngest niece and nephew, and my husband. Instead of giving physical gifts I have been attempting to give the gift of companionship. I have found that it is much more appreciated than an item. My relationships have gotten stronger with a daily phone conversation with one friend, and a weekly phone conversation with my grandma, and a weekly skype conversation with a friend of mine in a different country.
December 1st found my household full of friends as I hosted my first holiday party. We called it “Thanksmas” and I made a huge ham, requested guests bring sides and a secret Santa gift. We celebrated love, friendship, and the special kind of family that you build for yourself. I tried to bring a little bit of peace into the lives of those who came, and especially fill their bellies with good food. It was a success, and I look forward to hosting again next year.
December 1st also found my household experiencing a great loss. My husband’s 22 year old cousin had passed away and we received the news during dinner. We grieved for a short time that day, shared memories of him, and toasted his name. During the story that my husband told of his cousin Dean, the candle I had lit for the night started flickering wildly and the flame stuttered – it went out for a moment and roared back to life, tall and strong, before resuming the normal pattern of flame. It reminded me of the cycle or rebirth. Life, death, transformation – they are parts of the same thing. The thought gave me much comfort, and helped me to comfort the family until we parted ways after the funeral services.
The day of the funeral, December 10, I woke up from an ultra-realistic dream. During a Samhain ritual to contact and honor our dearly beloved dead, the goddess Hel manifested herself in my body and spoke to us. The core of what she said boiled down to one simple thing: the dead are dead; let them rest. As strange as it may seem, it comforted me, and gave me the final push that I needed to release what grief I held for a person I never met who was beloved to the family that I married into. Aware now that he truly was Home – the Dean that was known was gone and resting in a place of love, the energy and physical being he held repurposed and transformed – I was able to hold his grieving father and brother, feeling nothing but love and give nothing but comfort.
Winter has come in the North. Let what is dead remain dead. Let what lives remain alive and push forward into the next stage of life without holding on to that which we cannot change. There have been many deaths in the lives of my close friends already this winter, and I find myself in the position to comfort them and to honor the transformation of the dead. For what is Death but the ending of one and beginning of another? What is Death but the greatest transformation of this life?
I do not fear Death. I fear the pain of dying, of fighting death, of being denied the peace of accepting my own death and going on my own terms. Maybe it is because I have dealt with death, in some way, my entire life. I have been told I am wise beyond my years – truly an old soul. I fear Fear more than I fear Death, and I have been this way since I was a child, chasing faeries in the woods and speaking with the crows and the trees.
With Winter comes death; a season of dying. The land must rest, for it is tired and worn. But, just as death must come to all living beings, so too will life continue. With every Winter there will be a Spring.
On the day of my wedding, I woke up with a great anxiety in my heart. Moments later, I was compelled to find and read the following verse: As I walk through the valley of the shadow of Death, I feel no fear for you are with me.
Psalm 23 of the Holy Bible. I will post it below. Although I remembered it in a paraphrased version of the Psalm, it gave me instant comfort so completely that I called my grandmother – my spiritual guide and mentor and companion – and asked that she would read it during our reception. She agreed. Here is the entire Psalm, New International Version:
Psalm 23
A psalm of David.
1 The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,[a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.
Footnotes: Psalm 23:4 Or the valley of the shadow of death
I later learned that this is a Psalm usually read at funerals. I chose it for a wedding – a transition into new life, a birth of sorts. How interconnected can death and life be? It gives me great joy to know that I felt anxiety about the start of a new life (a birth of a new me, in a way) and found comfort in something typically read to support those mourning a death. The death of the Maiden, the birth of the woman – not quite the Mother yet but certainly closer to that realm than before. Still transitioning.
I started to dive into tarot during November, and the cards of transition have been calling my name, even if they have not been showing up in readings that I am doing for myself. Transition cards have been showing up in the readings that I have done for other people, though. I found companionship and comradarie with them, and I found myself able to take a reading that could have been read as very negative and getting excited for the questioner.
I am going to preface this by saying: I’m reading tarot in more of a secular way. Tarot is a tool that I am using for insight, using it as a different lens to view a question or problem that I encounter. I’m not claiming to be psychic, and I’m not claiming that I am using magick in the practice, though it can be argued that intuition is its own kind of magick. I am a new reader, and I bring my own worldview and experiences with me as they have shaped who I am. I do use my intuition when I read and interpret the cards, but that is not all I have at my disposal. Now that that has been said, lets delve into some of the “negative” cards that I have grown to love and appreciate!
The Tower card usually represents some form of crisis. This card is not a good omen to many people that I’ve talked about tarot with, but I found myself so enheartened when I saw this come up in the reading. How exciting! The current situation will change. (My little white book also helped – a monumental change or shift that reverses the current false situation in order to pave the way for new opportunities. How is that not positive?) I remember, though, that I have lived a life in chaos and change for so long that the Tower represents a challenge, and a shift, and ultimately a step forward. I will look forward to that transition.
Death is a difficult card for many people, as well – but we have already discovered that the death that I see, and the death that other people see are totally different. The Death arcana is one of my “birth cards” – if you add together the digits of your birth date and reduce it down you will find your two birth cards in the tarot system. Mine are Death and Emperor – card 13 and 4, also 2 of the least popular/most unlucky numbers (because they represent death!) – so it comes as no surprise to me that this card would be a favorite of mine. Transition. Change. Sometimes, literal death. But it is important to remember that nothing new comes until something old is no longer. Transformation from one into the other. Death is just life seen in a different light.
The Sword has been the minor arcana showing up more than any of the others – and I have become partial to the 8 and 10 of swords.
The 8 of swords shows a person that is tied up and blindfolded, surrounded by swords. It seems that they are trapped – and truly, that is the meaning of the card…. however, delving deeper into the card: this person is able to free themselves and escape. They have their hands and arms tied, but legs free. The swords are not completely surrounding them, so there is room to escape. It is all about this person feeling that they are trapped, but they are really the one causing themselves to feel that way. The power to escape is within their grasp, if only they can believe it. Oh, how I relate to this card.
The 10 of swords is truly a gruesome card – a person, presumed dead, with 10 swords sticking out of their back. Death. Well and truly. However, I find so much comfort in this. You have reached rock bottom, there is nowhere else to go but forward/upward. This ordeal has come to it’s completion. In tarot, 10 is the number of completion in the minor arcana – the end of this journey. This is the card of transformation.
Hanged Man is the other major arcana I have been loving recently. It depicts a person hanging in the air, suspended by their foot. To me, it is a card of sacrifice – of acceptance and giving in. Another card in transition, but this card is about truly accepting and no longer fighting the current. I struggle with this, but I have come to love this card.
I have yet to do a solstice reading for myself. I am unsure if I will do one for myself, actually. I feel like the readings I have done for myself have given me a lot to think about, and I have requested 2 readings from another source that will give me more to work on. It is a time of transition for me, and for many people – why else is January when we set new years resolutions? My biggest focuses in the readings have been to “hold” – Temperance and Hanged Man indicate that I need to give in, stop struggling, accept what is, and find and maintain balance. With the amount of change these last three years has brought, I cannot say that I am unhappy with that guidance – I can say that I don’t know how to do what I am being told to do!! Maybe I will ask that question in the future.
If you are interested in tarot and would like to request a reading from me, please do so. Please email me at the.lotus.faerie@outlook.com or comment below. I would love to read for many people. I mention above that I will read more secularly – I have done readings for very Christian folk and readings for very pagan folk and readings for atheist folk. There was a range of details given with both the question and the answer – with one case, I was aware of the whole situation as it was a reading for an extremely close friend. With another case, I knew only that it was career related. So, you can give me very few details or you can give me many details, and I should still be able to get something workable for you.
In the meantime, thank you for reading. Have a wonderful winter season. Remember to treat yourself kindly during this difficult time, and forgive yourself for the hardships you are encountering. Love one another a little bit more, because some people might not be able to love themselves as well as they need to right now.
Britnie
Lessons from the Lotus 