Hello everyone, and happy New Year’s Eve!! This is my favorite holiday (barring my birthday) and it gives me an excuse to do some serious introspection. Since most of this year has been nothing but introspection and massive action triggered by such, I’m going to take it a bit lighter and not demonize myself for straying from my solitary tradition.
Some things that I did today, in no particular order:
- greet the crows
- tarot reading with my Crow Tarot deck: “What do the crows want me to know” because they have been very chatty lately
- review my 19 for 2019 list (see below)
- self-care tarot reading with Shadowscapes Tarot deck
- sweep and mop the floors, disinfect the doorknobs, handles, and light switches in the house, burn incense and play loud music – my own version of a “cleansing”
- prepare for a gathering tonight
- write 300+ words of my novel, The White Queen, and dedicate myself to taking some risks with it
- lay in bed until 12:00pm doing nothing productive
- “super pout, super pout, I’m super pout-y”
- brush my cat until she got sick of it and attacked my poor hand
19 for 2019
A concept I adopted from Gretchen Rubin; I also made an 18 for 2018 list. The idea is to make a list of goals – big and small, easy and difficult – to complete in the coming year, and then do your best to finish it. Instead of having one huge, over-arching “resolution” for the coming year, this makes it more flexible…. and I have to admit, checking off these items is super rewarding.
I have not compiled my 20 for 2020 list yet, but it is something that I plan to do.
I also picked a “word of the year” to focus on in 2019 – “self” which then became “alignment” … as in, alignment of self.
My 19 for 2019 List and progress:
- Pass JPLT – level 5
2019 Budget Set
Pay off SLSC student loan in full
Go to NYC
Read 12 books
Participate in NaNoWriMo
- Volunteer with at least 1 organization
- Get a professional massage
Bring my lunch to work for 1 consecutive month
30 days of massive action
Set a bedtime alarm
- Donate blood
Try a new physical activity
- Learn how to iron
Increase proficiency with Microsoft Excel
Get my passport
Beat a videogame
Start my autobiography
Wow!! 14 items complete out of 19! That’s a DEFINITE win. Some of these were unlikely items (donating blood is difficult to me because of fluctuating weight but also iron levels, for example) while others were super easy to complete (bedtime alarm).
In fact, my book goal was more than doubled – I read 50 new books in 2019. Not bad for someone who hasn’t been able to sit down and actually read (and complete!) books in years.
Not only did I participate in NaNoWriMo this year, but I won! I also finished the novel I was working on. My first ever completed novel, and my second NaNoWriMo win.
I paid off a student loan.
Some big things that weren’t listed on my 19 for 2019:
- left the country for the first time
- first cruise (honeymoon!)
- visited the Bahamas
- swam in the ocean
- first craft fair selling candles
- called an element while casting a group circle
- started my path towards pagan clergywork
- improved my tarot knowledge
- read tarot for other people
- re-started therapy
- quit a job that was toxic
- joined my husband’s company
- went snowshoeing for the first time
- deepened friendships with multiple people
Some bigger things that couldn’t have been planned:
- celebrated a friend’s pregnancy… mourned the miscarriage… and celebrated the second pregnancy. women become a village for other women. we support each other through times of great cheer and times of great sorrow.
- encourage a friend to pursue soul-fulfilling work as a performance artist, then watched her grow and thrive and come back into herself as a human
- hold space for a friend who is coming out of an abusive relationship and pursuing divorce. become part of the village that supports her.
- hold my newborn nephew. change his diaper without prompting. give mommy a break. love him. love her. love his older sister.
- love. fiercely. deeply. unreservedly.
- talk a friend down from suicide. then again.
- choose myself.
- tell a dear friend i could not help them out of their depression right now because i can’t even hold space for myself. apologize, but still choose me. text her the moment i felt more myself and had space for someone other than me. know that i did the right thing, and love her for understanding.
- spent most of the year ill and in a deep depression
- have the best spring i have ever had in my life. happy. healthy. glowing.
- life-affirming, soul-healing conversations in the kitchen
- say “farewell” to a friendship that began in 2001. realize there were no more tears to cry because i had already cried them all. ache when i realized that it was a weight that i had been carrying that was holding me down, holding me back. mourn the loss of my muse, my oldest friend, my sister from another mister.
- continue to choose me.
- fall in love with writing again
- start learning how to thrive
It’s been a very, very busy year.