The Un-Binding: Samhain 2019

So, I’m a little late sharing this, but November 2nd was the day that I attended a Samhain ritual. It was everything I needed it to be, and then some, as they tend to be. This is the first time I’ve been able to sit down and write about it because I’ve been focusing on NaNoWriMo for the duration of November. So, let us talk about Samhain.

Last year I wrote a little bit about Samhain, specifically about the ancestors. This year, we also worked with our ancestors. With the “veil” being thin during Samhain and Beltane, it makes sense that we would be working with Other so much during this time.

Samhain tends to be a solitary ritual, though it is a group of people that meets up for the holiday every year. Last year was much the same. I did not share the details of the ritual on this blog, though I think I talked about it, and my findings. I plan to write about it in my end of the year reflection though – there was a lot that I learned, and a lot of growing that I did that can be tracked to that one ritual and the message I received. Anyway.

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

This year, the ritual was in three parts. From the very beginning until the very end, it was silent, you were not to drink or eat anything (water being the only exception), and you were not to touch anyone. It was you and your ancestors.
1. Enter into the first ritual space, waiting by the fire with your offering and waiting your turn.
2. Be lead to the second ritual space by a representation of Death, where you would be cleansed and enter to meet with your ancestors, giving up your offering to them.
3. Meet the representation of Life, who will lead you into the home where you would don a blank mask and wait for further instruction. The instructions were thus: decorate the mask as the ancestors told you to.

Continue reading “The Un-Binding: Samhain 2019”

Mother Wound Series: a Tarot Spread Analysis

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The Mother Wound Tarot Spread

Benebell Wen’s “Mother Wound” Tarot Spread was the first deep dive into this “Mother Wound” and “Negative Mother Complex” that I wanted to tackle. I was going to do it yesterday, but my courage and energy had dried up by the time I was physically ready to do it.

I want to preface by saying that I wrote very little in the way of lead-in, and some of the things I mention could be a bit triggering with anyone who has a history of domestic abuse, drug or alcohol abuse. Unlikely, but possible.

I’d also like to note that I am no longer involved in a toxic or abusive family situation, and that I do not need to take legal action at this point. My situation growing up was less than ideal; many people have it worse than I did, and many people have it better. I am also seeing a professional.

I have reached a point in my healing where a lot of things in my past can be discussed as “fact” and I am not looking for pity or even sympathy. Rather, a reaction like “oh, that happened,” and moving on – a neutral reaction – is best for me at this point, as reactions that are full of sorrowful emotion, pity, sympathy, etc tend to make me feel uncomfortable and like I should have hidden or minimized the situation.

Also, if anybody feels the need to tell me “this didn’t happen the way you’re portraying it” I would like to tell you the following: this is the way that I remember it, and this is the way that I am reacting to it emotionally. We may remember it differently. Your comment does nothing to heal any emotional or mental traumas that I have experienced, and actually makes the situation worse. Memories do not stay perfect, complete, or unchanged in the brain and actually mutate slightly over time. Again, this is how I remember it, and it may be different than how you remember it, and neither of us needs to be wrong or right.

I think I have covered all of the bases, so let’s hop into my first intentional engagement with my festering mother wound, wherein lies much trauma.

Note: this post has been updated since it’s original posting.

Continue reading “Mother Wound Series: a Tarot Spread Analysis”

Year and a Day Tarot Reading

Hello everyone, long time to talk!! It’s been a crazy year so far, 2019, but I hope to be back semi-regularly soon.

Yesterday, in honor of Friday the 13th/Full Moon/my Year and a Day since connecting with a local pagan group, I did a more involved tarot reading with my Everyday Witch’s Tarot deck. See below for Spread, reading, and interpretation. Please, please, please feel free to leave a comment with thoughts – and if you also read tarot feel free to add!

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This is a spread I found on Instagram and modified slightly to suit my purpose. Originally, it was more full-moon focused, but I wanted something a bit more.

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I chose to read with “Everyday Witch’s Tarot” and I have yet to be disappointed by this deck. I love the imagery, colors, and the deck doesn’t really pull any punches. At the same time, the readings I have gotten haven’t been needlessly cruel or meanly worded or anything. I won’t say I haven’t been bonked over the head by the deck though!! Continue for my interpretation and analysis!

Continue reading “Year and a Day Tarot Reading”

Community

Hello!
I’m writing this on a Sunday, so happy Sunday to same-day readers. Otherwise, happy whatever-day-of-the-week-it-is!

I woke up with two thoughts in my head today. The first, while not directly related to the overall theme I’d like to stick with for this blog, is a very important reminder: fear often pretends to be anger.

The second was a longing for community so strong that I considered a trip to the nearest random church I could find, even though they are not my community. This longing has brought me to tears twice this morning, and I’ve only been awake for two hours at the time of writing. So, I’m going to listen to what my heart is telling me – this is important.

How many times has community literally saved my life?

This post will reference multiple mental and personality disorders, talk about religion, suicide, alcoholism, drug abuse, abuse, bullying, eating disorders, and other topics that may be triggering to some people. While I tried my best to leave out details, I do not skirt around the issues as I mention them. Continue reading “Community”

[and it’s spring]

Hello and Happy Spring!

This is my favorite season. I feel like I am coming alive again. The world is coming alive again. There are so many wonderful things that happen once Winter finally passes us by. I can breathe. I start to sing. I dance. I call out to the birds.

I honestly do a lot of things that I try not to do at other times during the year. Not all of them are good. I have to fight a lot more potentially-dangerous impulses this time of the year. It’s only 25 degrees Fahrenheit out right now, Britnie, and it’s windy, why do you need to wash your car by hand and go on a three mile walk after you take your third shower of the day and it’s only one in the afternoon? Go distract yourself until you don’t feel this urge anymore. And for Pete’s sake, don’t act on it! (Do I even know a Pete?)

Also, apparently spending money is something that I’m doing right now. I’m paying off medical bills, I’m putting money into my candle business, I treated myself to a haircut… but, oh yeah, I’m not working again and I’m not getting a paycheck. I shouldn’t spend $50 on a sudden grocery trip and treat myself to $6.00 sushi because I’ve completed a difficult task. (Apparently risk-taking and impulsivity are traits often found in people who have been diagnosed with BPD. Normally I have them under firm control. In spring? Apparently not.)

Anyway. I digress. I’m subject-jumping.

I titled this blog post with an e.e cummings poem. One of my absolute favorite poems, and my favorite poet. No, really. I read my husband an e.e cummings poem during our wedding vows. But, this particular poem [in Just-] is so great and it definitely makes me think of spring. Myself in spring. Also, kind of nonsensical which is fantastic and suits me just fine, especially right now. See below. Continue reading “[and it’s spring]”

VLOG: Courage, Self-Knowledge, and Perseverance will get you far

 

I recorded this video in mid-October. I have not been able to go back and write anything that seems like it would be worthwhile to pair with it at the moment. So, let us have a vlog post on this topic, as it stands, and I will probably revisit it at another time. I often find myself coming to this topic organically. I have no doubts that I will visit this topic again. For now, I have held it in reserve waiting for the “right moment.”

There is no such thing as “the right moment.” I should have shared this two weeks ago; how many people could have benefited from this in that time? File this one under: thinking too much; also file it under “letting perfect be the enemy of Good.”

If you like what I write, any of the ideas that I share, or just want to give back: please, leave a comment! It helps me to know that there is engagement or interest, and it also helps me figure out which topics are worthwhile to dig a bit deeper into. Any suggestions of ideas you’d like me to ponder, please let me know as well because I’m always happy to do a little more thinking on the big, important topics of life.

This November, I dive head first into NaNoWriMo and tackle writing a novel in 30 days. If you’re a ‘wrimo, add me as a writing buddy! This is a time where perseverance is key. I wish you luck, and happy noveling, and I charge onward towards the elusive goal of 50,000 words.

Remember, everyone: There’s 2 months left of this year, so make the most of it! You do not need to wait for January to begin working on a resolution, to change a habit, or to start something new and exciting. Every moment is a chance to begin. Seize it.